FAQs
What is an Andi?
An Andi is a creature almost as rare as the mythical haggis, very few are known to grace the earth. They are very annoying creatures, that use bright colours in an attempt to hide from predators. They are prone to burn out as they give everything of themselves away to others, before taking for themselves.
Why the name Spam Valley?
Well, you see, the Croft is on Spam Valley. Spam Valley is a light hearted, local, jokey term for an area of more expensive housing within Campbeltown. The name comes from the rumour that the residents of “Spam Valley” had paid so much for their houses that although they appeared wealthy to the local population they were actually nearing poverty and were reduced to eating low-cost meat product Spam. “Spam Valley” is used widely in Scotland, with many towns having their own version.
I live near Andi, can I call the police and council with tall tales and absurd allegations 22 times a week?
No.
How many cocks can you keep in a flock?
Yes, multiple cockerels can be kept in the same flock under the right conditions. At Spam Valley, we carefully manage our flock dynamics to minimise any risk of aggression among our birds. By providing ample space and observing their behavior, we ensure a harmonious environment where multiple cockerels coexist peacefully. Each bird has enough personal space, allowing them to establish their own territories and avoid unnecessary conflict. We have also noticed that although they sleep in the same coop currently, they don’t really interact with each other. If the dominate tries to intimidate the submissive the submissive will run away. They also have their own giggles of girls.
How do you separate different flocks in the garden? Our garden is easy to divide and separate, with enclosed runs being readily available. This enables us to create distinct zones for each flock. This setup allows us to house different groups separately when needed, which helps reduce any tension or competition, and can ensure pure breed hens. Each section is fully secure and designed to provide an enriching, experience with plenty of room for each bird to explore and feel at ease.
What is the minimum space required per chicken?
According to DEFRA guidelines, chickens need a minimum of 1m² per bird to meet the basic space requirements. However, we go above and beyond this standard. Each of our chickens enjoys more than 4m² of space, allowing them to roam freely and comfortably. This generous amount of space not only supports their natural behaviors but also meets free-range criteria, promoting healthier and happier birds.
Can I apply to be a part of the team?
If you can find a chicken suit big enough you are welcome to cluck about the garden.
Can you even keep roosters in a residential area?
As the local connaisseur of cock, of course I know all about this,. Different legislation will likelly apply if you’re outwith Scotland. Cockerels or roosters (they’re the same animal just UK vs US terms) can be kept in residential areas in Scotland, provided they are managed responsibly and meet local noise and welfare regulations. As with any pets or livestock, it’s important to balance animal care with consideration for the community.
But, Andi!! Isn’t rooster crowing disruptive for neighbors? No. We take significant measures to minimise any disruption caused by our birds. They are housed in a secure, darkened coop at night, which reduces early crowing by keeping them calm and quiet until they’re let out. This helps to keep noise levels low during early morning hours. As statutory nuisance laws forbid excessive noise between 23:00-07:00 we do not let the birds out before 7:00.
Aside from when a neighbour phoned a police welfare check that occurred at 4am on a Sunday morning, and when I was hospitlised for a miscarriage, we follow this rule closely. In fact, I typically hold off until 7:30 out of respect for a neighbour who has mentioned waking up around that time. Equally when inside my own home, I generally can’t hear the cockerels unless I’m specifically listening for them. Their coop and setup have been set up to minimise sound, with the darkened coop and delayed morning release. We ensure that each bird has plenty of space, which helps keep them content and quieter. The coop is also placed under my bedroom window, so I’d be well aware if sound was traveling towards neighboring properties
What should you do if you have further concerns? Please feel free to reach out if you have any specific concerns or questions. We’re happy to discuss and work together to maintain a comfortable environment for everyone. Don’t do what the arseholes who put in fake, malicous complaints to the council and the police are doing. Please. It’s just so stupid and makes our mental, and physical health worse.
DO YOU HAVE A SEX DUNGEON?
Yes. It’s a one in, none out policy. Would you like to visit?
It’s our private space that’s used for consenting adults to explore various activities. Think of it as a room for creativity and self-expression. Everything in the dungeon is safe, consensual, and meant for enjoyment. Safety is our top priority. We use high-quality, well-maintained equipment, and take steps to make sure everyone involved feels comfortable and secure. Clear boundaries and communication are essential. The dungeon is a private space, with a one in, none out policy. As such we don’t offer tours or visits to the general public. It’s meant for personal use only. However, you’re welcome to explore our other Spam Valley adventures online! We’ve made sure that the dungeon is discreet and soundproofed. Our neighbours can rest easy knowing it won’t disrupt their peace.
We get it—Spam Valley is full of surprises! For more about our unique life, including our animals, projects, and behind-the-scenes stories, be sure to visit our website frequently, and maybe out Facebook too.